


Pieces of Me

by DaughterOfTheSadness



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Bisexual Erin Gilbert, F/F, Gay Jillian Holtzmann, Grief/Mourning, Protective Jillian Holtzmann, Slow Build Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-10-11 10:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10463298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterOfTheSadness/pseuds/DaughterOfTheSadness
Summary: The worst day of Erin's life started off as a bright sunny Tuesday in early May.OrThe one where Holtz is the perfect shoulder for Erin to cry on. And the perfect person to put the pieces of Erin back together. And perfect for Erin.





	1. The Phone Call

**Author's Note:**

> I am so obsessed with Kate McKinnon you guys.
> 
> And Jillian Holtzmann. And Erin Gilbert. And Holzbert.
> 
> I.am.so.gay.

The worst day of Erin's life started off as a bright sunny Tuesday in early May.

Sitting with the rest of the Ghostbusters around the kitchen island of the firehouse, she took another bite of the pizza that Holtzmann had insisted they order for dinner, watching in amusement as the small blond engineer continued to spout pizza puns, an impressive feat considering she had been on a continuous role for at least 5 straight minutes now.

"Hey Patty, could you cheese pas-"

"Holtzy, baby, you know I love you, but you come at me with one more of those stupid puns and I will hurt you."

Holtzmann squinted up at Patty, her bright blue eyes alive with mischief as she opened her mouth to reply.

Erin's phone rang, vibrating on the countertop. All four women turned to look at it, Erin frowning as she saw her mother's contact flash up on the screen.

Her mother usually called her on the weekend, catching up on her life, lamenting her lack of boyfriend, giving her the rundown of neighbourhood gossip but never on a weekday.

Erin quickly snatched up the phone, a sinking feeling in her stomach and walked a few feet away from the others, who went back to talking amongst themselves.

"Mom, hi, are you ok?" Erin heard her mother let out a strangled breath and the sinking feeling in her stomach turned to full on dread.

"Erin, honey, he's gone, your father's gone," her mother was sobbing.

"What? Mom, you're not making any sense, what do you mean he's gone, gone where?"

Erin heard nothing but more sobs before her mother choked out, "Honey, he's _gone_."

And suddenly she knows. Her mind goes blank, she's blinking back tears and everything hurts. She hears her mother's voice as if from a distance, she drops the phone in her hand and she can't breathe.

Abby looks up at the sound of the phone clattering to the floor and Holtzmann who has been watching her since she answered the phone starts walking towards her, hands raised in a placating gesture, face taut with concern. Erin can't breathe.

"Baby girl, what's going on?" Patty is walking towards her now too. Erin watches them surround her in a daze, feels the tears on her cheeks and hears herself struggling for breath as if observing it all happening through someone else.

Suddenly she feels gentle hands on her shoulders.

"Gilbert, you're hyperventilating, you're not getting enough oxygen, you need to regulate your breathing," Holtzmann's voice is firm and Erin realises she's right. She's feeling faint but she can't figure out how she's supposed to breathe right now.

"Should I call an ambulance?" She vaguely sees Abby shake her head out of the corner of her eye in response to Patty's murmured question as she bends down to pick up Erin's phone and holds it to her ear.

"Erin," Holtzmann's use of her first name catches her attention again, "focus on me beautiful, you need to breathe, you're having a panic attack."

The engineer moves her hands from Erin's shoulders and slides them down to her hands, she moves Erin hands to her own chest and starts taking deep slow breaths.

"There, feel that? Just like me, nice, slow deep breaths, ok, just like me," Holtzmann's voice is soothing as her hands move up to Erin's cheeks and her eyes meet Erin's with laser sharp focus.

Erin listens. She focuses on the feeling of the other woman's chest moving beneath her hands and she starts trying to match her own breathing pattern to it.

"That's it, Erin, nice and steady, just like that, nice and easy", Holtzmann keeps up a continuous stream of calming, encouraging words as Erin continues to slow and deepen her breathing.

Erin feels as though she's slowly coming back into control of her body, her eyes remain focused on Holtzmann's gentle blue ones but she hears Abby now, speaking on the phone Erin had dropped, sounding like she was giving some calming words of her own.

 

Holtzmann lets go of her face and brings her hands back to her shoulders again, gently pushing and guiding Erin over to the couch, urging her gently to take a seat before sinking to her knees on the floor in front of her.

Patty sits down beside Erin, Abby hangs up the phone and sits on her other side and for a moment there is just silence.

Then Erin feels herself let out a painful, heart-wrenching sob and she draws her knees up to her chest and hugs herself, sure that if she lets go, her entire being will just fall to pieces.

She feels Abby and Patty both reach an arm over her from either side to hold her as she buries her face in her knees and sobs. Holtzmann wraps her hands around Erin's ankles and rests her forehead against Erin's shins, closing her eyes and trying to relay as much comfort as she possibly can.

They remain in that position until Erin sobs herself to sleep, falling to lean against Patty as she gives in to exhaustion.

Holtzmann moves back and sits on the hard floor when she notices Erin's sobs quieten and her breath slow into sleep. Abby runs her hands through her hair and sighs.

"It's her Dad," Abby closes her eyes and sighs again, "He passed away suddenly. Aneurysm. There was nothing they could do."

"Oh baby," Patty murmurs as she strokes Erin's hair before gently manoeuvering herself out from under her, guiding a sleeping Erin to lie with her head on the pillow at the end of the couch.

She reaches to pull the blanket of the top of the couch and drapes it over Erin and then gestures towards the kitchen.

Abby and Holtzmann follow and the three take the seats they had occupied just minutes before, the atmosphere completely changed.

"What do we do?" Holtzmann pushes her plate of pizza away and keeps her eyes firmly on the countertop.

Abby sighs. "I'm gonna book a flight home for Erin."

Patty looks up sharply, "She can't go alone. Book us each a seat, we're not leaving her."

Abby frowns, "But what if -", Patty holds up a hand and cuts her off, "Nuh uh, there will always be ghosts but Erin needs to go home right now and she needs us with her, we've been doing this non stop for a year now, we're due some the off anyway."

Abby closes her eyes and brings her fingers up to rub her temples, "You're right, I'll book us all on the earliest flight to Michigan tomorrow."

"That would be great Abby-cakes," Holtzmann was starting to feel suffocated by the oppressive sadness permeating the group and is relieved to have something to focus on, "You guys can go pack, I'm gonna go keep an eye on Erin for when she wakes." 

Holtzmann got up abruptly and moved uncharacteristically quietly in to the other room where Erin was sleeping deeply in the couch. Her heart aching as she gazed down at the other woman, knowing that the peacefulness on her face would be gone the moment she awoke.

She was gripped by the sudden need to be close to the sleeping particle physicist and so she carefully moved to take the place of the pillow Erin's head was laying on, the woman continuing to sleep throughout.

Once Holtzmann had Erin's head situated comfortably in her lap, she moved to stroke her fingers through Erin's long hair, grabbing the remote with her other hand and turning the TV on with the volume low, determined to be here for the physicist when she awoke from her emotional exhaustion induced sleep.


	2. The Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the lovely people for the lovely comments.

Holtzmann awoke to the feel of gentle hands tracing her face. She smiled and hummed her approval at the feeling, drifting into wakefulness slowly and contently.

She heard a low amused snort in answer to her hum and opened her eyes, moving her head from where it was resting on the back of the couch, wincing as her neck protested, her body reminding her she was no longer young enough to get away with sleeping in such positions.

She tracked her eyes slowly along the arms that belonged to the hands still gently stroking her face, dragging her eyes up to meet Erin's brown ones. "Hi," Erin gave her a small smile and croaked out a quiet "hi," in response. Holtzmann brought a hand up to squeeze the one stroking her jaw,

"How are you?"

"Been better," Erin's voice was hoarse.

Holtzmann nodded, not entirely sure how to respond. They stayed like that in silence for a few more moments before suddenly Erin was moving, sitting up to wrap her arms around Holtzmann, burying her face in the blond's neck.

Holtzmann immediately wrapped her own arms around Erin and pulled her closer so she was sitting in her lap. She wrestled with the response she was having to Erin being so close, her breath tickling her neck, scolding herself in her head, Erin needed her friend to be supportive, not all teenage-boy-horny.

\--

Patty came strolling in to the living room, intent on waking the two so they could go and pack, stopping in surprise when she noticed they're both awake, Erin clinging to Holtzmann like her life depended on it. She met Holtzmann's eyes and shared a concerned look, also noting the slight flush on the other woman's cheeks but choosing not to comment.

She walked over to the couch, perched gently on the arm beside the two and reached out a hand to stroke Erin hair speaking softly and gently,

"I was just coming to wake y'all. We gotta get you packed baby, you too Holtzy. Flight leaves in 4 hours and we gotta get to La Guardia."

Holtzmann felt Erin stiffen momentarily, she turned her head to peer at Holtzmann, then at Patty and whispered, "You're coming?"

Patty smiled tenderly at Erin and replied, "Of course baby, we with you every step of the way."

Holtzmann felt Erin relax even as she protested weakly, "But, what if there's an emergency? What if there's a call?"

Holtzmann rubbed her hand up and down Erin's back soothingly, "We're coming with you Gilbert, we want to be there with you."

Erin turned to look at her and opened her mouth as if to protest. Then she stopped and simply nodded before burying herself in Holtzmann's neck once more, muttering "I love you guys," feeling Holtzmann's body shudder slightly as Erin's breath ghosted over her neck.

Patty observed to two for a moment before standing and saying, "We leave in an hour, time to get packing."

\--

Abby stretched in relief as she stepped out of Grand Rapids airport and felt the sun on her face. It was still early morning and the fresh breeze across her face was especially welcome after the flight.

"Swear the leg room on those planes just keeps getting smaller and smaller," Patty complained, squinting in the bright sunlight.

Abby turned to Erin and gestured at the cars sitting in the pick up zone, "Can you see your uncle?"

Erin had called her mother on the way to the airport to let her know that she was on the way and her mother had insisted that her uncle would pick them all up from the airport instead of getting a taxi.

Erin peered up and down the line of cars before a waving hand caught her eye. "Over there," she tilted her head towards a tall, jovial looking man with a grey beard who was waving in their direction.

Holtzmann raised her eyebrows, "Wow Gilbert, you didn't tell me you were related to Saint Nick."

Erin snorted and muttered, "Shut up Holtz" out of the corner of her mouth as she started walking towards her uncle, dragging her small suitcase with her, the other three falling into step behind her.

They stopped a few meters away from the car, giving Erin some space. When she reached the man, he pulled her into a tight, warm hug and Erin buried her face in his chest. When they pulled apart from their embrace, both had tears in their eyes. Erin's uncle gave her a watery smile before turning to the other women.

"Well Erin, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

Abby smiled and stepped forward with her hand out, "Hi Mr. Gilbert, it's really nice to see you again, I'm so sorry that it's under these circumstances."

Erin's uncle's eyes widened, "Abby Yates?" He ignored her outstretched hand and pulled her in for a hug, "I haven't seen you since you girls were in high school!"

Erin grinned as they pulled away from the hug and gestured to Patty, "Uncle Andrew, this is Patty Tolan, Patty, my Uncle Andrew," Patty shook Andrew's hand with a small smile, "It's lovely to meet you Sir, thank you for coming to pick us up and I'm very sorry for your loss." Andrew returned Patty's smile warmly.

Erin took a deep breath and directed her uncle's attention to the remaining member of her party, "And this, Uncle Andrew, is Jillian Holtzmann, Holtz, Uncle Andrew."

Andrew narrowed his eyes slightly as he took in the small blond engineer in front of him before his face broke into a grin and he held out his hand,

"You have great style," he paused uncertainly, "Should I call you Jillian or Holtz?" Having picked up on how his niece had addressed her during their introduction.

Holtzmann shook his hand enthusiastically as her face broke into a genuine smile, "Holtz of Holtzmann would be great Sir, thank you for asking and, uh," she paused and brought her other hand up to rub the back of her neck uncomfortably, "I'm really sorry about everything."

Andrew smiled sadly and stepped back to observe the group, "Please, call me Andrew. Alright ladies, we best get moving or I'll be in trouble," he turned to Erin, "Your mother is looking forward to seeing you, and to meeting your friends."

Erin, Patty and Abby piled into the car while Holtzmann hung back to help Andrew throw their suitcases into the boot.

Andrew clapped her on the back as she turned to climb into the back beside Abby,

"I think we're gonna get along just fine Holtzmann," she heard him mutter before he opened the front door and slid behind the wheel.

Andrew glanced in his rear view mirror, reached over to the front passenger seat to squeeze Erin's hand and said, "belts on please ladies, we should be home in about 20 minutes," and started the car.

 


End file.
